Ohhh... Dating..

So everyone who knows me knows that I have an ongoing love/hate relationship with dating.  I'll be real honest, I detest it.  I more than detest it, I double detest it with a heap of loathe frosting on top.  It's not so much that I dislike the guys that I've been out with, ok I don't so much care for each and every one of them, but I dislike the discomfort of the odd, bizarre, and sometimes monotonous things you have to do to actually meet people. 

Lets start with the Grocery store.  Everyone says the grocery store is a fantastic place to meet people. Really??  I don't know about you, but when I go to the grocery store I'm shopping for food, and not the kind of meat I really want to bring home to marry.  I prefer the kind of meat I bring home to cook.  Don't get me wrong, there are some very attractive men wandering the grocery store.  The ones I find myself most attracted to aren't the ones who have carts full of beer, chips, and hot dogs.  No longer am I a young 20 something and want someone who can only hang with the guys while barbecuing, beer bonging, and chip dipping.  I prefer a guy with a healthy variety in his cart.  If he's going to have beer in it, I'm sort of snobby and hope it's something along the lines of Yuengling or Heifferweisen, not Milwaukee's best because that I know is inexpensive and will only be used for a long night of guzzling festivities.  However, my largest problem with grocery store guys is the fact that my eyes are trained to go from the face to the left hand in nanoseconds.  What do you think this contains?!  Yep, the unbreakable band that immediately cause my eyes to divert back to the real reason I arrived at this location in the first place... to shop for groceries.

Now lets discuss Internet dating. Holeeeey Moleeeey!!  Interesting to say the least, yet almost like a train wreck because you just can't stop looking at some of those people.  I find myself trolling through the sites not looking for guys to date, but looking for humor and it is there at every click.  Now don't get me wrong, I've been out with a few who are really nice guys.  We've actually become friends and they are as silly as I am, now I can't get rid of them! Just kidding!  There are some guys I've simply met out of sympathy and I know that is just so very wrong, but even I have feelings.  If they send me an email and they seem very nice and sincere, have a normal non-stalkerish star trek convention dressing up personality then I have no problem doing lunch or dinner with them.  The only problem is that I'm not going to fall in love with a 5'5 255 pound partially balding male who collects comic books and is incapable of holding a conversation in public and looking me in the face at the same time.  Yes, I've met this guy.  I've also met a guy who had rather large "Man boobs" or "Moobs"... There's been the serial killer looking guys, and the ones who were decent until they opened their mouth and it became apparent that their dental hygiene was lacking.  Actually nonexistent would probably be a better adjective.  This probably would explain why there were no pictures of smiling.  Now I'm honestly not being shallow except maybe a little, because in all honesty I'm a personality girl which I'll get into later.  The stories I have to tell are endless, but I find humor in everything, and I honestly try to find good in everyone.  Even the men with breasts, and the ones who think that the first thing they should do is try to put my hand in places on them that it is NOT interested in going.  There has to be something good in them, right?!  I just quickly delete them from my real life and send them back to cyber space where they belong with the rest of the cybercreeps and creatures! Keep the friends, leave the creeps!

Then there was the Meal plan... This existed a few years back, and what a fun idea it was.  It wasn't just fun because of the sheer idea that I could meet every kind of human without worry or expectations on my part, but it helped to save on my grocery bill!  For a straight week I went out on 7 dates.  Count them, 7!!  That's 7 lunches and dinners that I didn't have to provide for myself.  Now this was only one week, but the plan lasted probably 2 or 3.  I wear out quick!  Actually, I lose interest quick.  Especially if I'm not meeting anyone super duper interesting.  I digress...  I'd meet wherever the guy and I would decide on and then we'd have lunch or dinner, some conversation, and then part ways.  There were a few that would ask for another date in a roundabout way, and I'd just blow it off.  There was one who was very nice fella, but it took him 5 lunches and dinners to get it.  I wasn't diggin' him.  Next there was the guy who was 200 pounds heavier than his picture, and I found out over sushi his nickname was "lobster."  In great detail he explained to me why.  He had a port wine birthmark from his wrist all the way up his arm that went up his neck..  It encapsulated his whole arm, and this arm was 4 times larger than his other arm.  Mind you he was already about 300 pounds.  I was almost in shock, and shock is something I'm not good at hiding.  Oh, who am I kidding, anything I feel, I'm horrible at hiding.  Somehow I hid it though, and I made it through dinner with grace and humor.  As you can imagine I couldn't wait to get on the phone and tell everyone about the "lobster."  There was another guy (there's always another guy) who I went to dinner with, and he simply stared at me the whole time.  If we hadn't been eating at Sweetwater, and I wasn't loving my dinner so much, I may have gone to use the bathroom and never come back.  Don't think I haven't located the bathroom in comparison with the front door when on a date before.  It may be the first thing I do.  Sometimes I've even tried to make sure that we don't sit within view of either! 

My life is never short of adventure and humor.  I always say if it can happen, it happens to me and I just laugh.  There are times I wish I had witnesses with me because I simply can't believe what I am seeing, but God never wants me to visually share the moments I suppose.  That's ok, it allows me to put my own humorous spin on things as I share my encounters.  I'm afraid to say I might also be excited for more adventures... Well, not that excited!! I'll save what I really want in a man for a more serious post, if I can find a serious way to explain what I want or desire! And whatever I said earlier that I'd get to later in my blog... well, I lied! sorry!

Comment (1)

Oh Andi. Only you. You made me laugh... Youll find Mr. Right for Andi out there somewhere. I know it lol

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