Today our sermon moved me. It was as if God himself literally picked me up, shook me, and said "this ones for you." Maybe it was more like the Holy Spirit within me started to thud around a little when I realized that this was going to lead to a bit of discomfort. Discomfort is nothing new for me these days. What's one more thing that I will have to handle? I can do it. Today's sermon was on the power or words and how we use them. Sounds easy, right? Ya, not so much. Imagine you are 6 years old and have just come home from school with your report card. Lets pretend you're quite the typical 6 year old who is chatty, has trouble sitting still, and would rather be snickering with the other kids in class than paying total attention. You bring home a report card with a conduct grade that reflects your chatty, ants in your pants, not paying full attention behavior. Your Father takes one looks at it and says "what are you doing? Are you stupid? You know better than to act like an idiot in school! ?!" Or maybe he just looks at you, shakes his head in disappointment, throws down the report card and walks away. I can imagine that neither of these have shown this child any ounce of love and grace.
Words kill faster than bullets, and there are times that bullets would be much less painful. There is nothing that breaks my heart more than when people speak to their children with words that are less than loving. Who would ever call their young child an idiot, stupid, a fool? Do you think a 6,7, 8-- 12, 14 year old believes you're joking, or understands a joke of that nature? Words change who people become. They cut to the core, they destroy. Words are seeds we plant in the people we love and they bury them, and regardless of if we like it or not those seeds grow. We have the choice to plant seeds of love. "You certainly are a chatty child. Lets work on finding a way to try to improve your attentiveness in class. I know you can do it. You're a great kid, and so smart, but if you're talking and not listening it makes it hard to pay attention. We'll work on this together, and all your other grades look great. Congratulations." Instead people focus on the flaws. There are times we see ourselves in others and their actions and we don't like what we see. We try to correct them, and become angry when actually we're angry at ourselves for being that person we don't like.
I wasn't the child who was yelled at and ridiculed. I wasn't scolded for being average or shamed because I liked to talk to much. This seems to be a problem that has followed me all of my life. In my family we simply didn't talk. If things weren't discussed, they would (and still will... ) just go away. When I would get in trouble as a child I was sent to my room until however long my mom thought I should stay there, and then she'd let me come out. Once I came out, everything was better. Well, except for the fact that there were small grudges held, but other than that we did not discuss, nor did we process wrongdoings. This taught me to bury my feelings. Heck, I didn't even understand my own feelings!
As I got older, and would get in trouble I would then follow my Mother around the house yelling at her because when she was angry she would simply shut down. There was zero communication. Everything went silent. Now, to me this wasn't dysfunctional because I was a nightmare teenager. The thought of how horribly nasty and bratty I was makes me want to crawl into my own skin and hide. Yet, looking back all I wanted was answers and some sort of verbal reaction and attention. Simple answers and explanations. I wanted to understand what I had done and I just wanted someone to speak to me. It's healthy to process frustration and anger. As an adult, I process everything. I still want to talk about, and confront ALL issues head on because this helps me to process. Young minds take these verbal and nonverbal words and we embed them in our souls. This lack of communication and talking through things with my family has literally broken my soul and caused pain so deep inside that it took learning the loving grace of God to understand it. During the silence I filled in the blanks, and when doing that I as most did not fill them in by thinking I wasn't being spoken to because I was loved, cared for, and my best interest was at heart. The Bible says "Words Kill, words give life; they're either poison or fruit -- you choose" Proverbs 18:21 Msg
I still fill in the silence with negative, and it's something I will probably forever battle with, but I know I am not alone.
At 32, I know my parents love me. They're human, and they fall short just like everyone else. They've loved me when I've been difficult to love. They may not have always loved me, and may not be able to love me like I need them to love me, but just like everyone else on this earth they're simply loving me the best they know how. I'm eternally grateful that they never defamed my soul by beating me down by calling me names. I've fought enough battles that I'm thankful that the Lord has always been gentle with my soul, it's taught me strength in so many other area's. However, I've learned to build up others and not break them down. The gift of grace and forgiveness has been offered to me, and there is no better gift than extending it to others. Moving forward I'm going to make such a conscious effort of the words and language I use with those I love.
"The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks." Luke 6:43
