Everyone wants to be loved. Some know how to give love better than receive, and others seem to receive better than they give. Once in this lifetime I believe you'll meet that person who can do both for you and you alone. If you're not ready to embrace that moment when it arrives, it may just pass you by.
I'm guilty of being one of those girls who have hidden her heart in fear of the unknown. If you don't put yourself out there to fall in love and be loved, it is nearly impossible to get hurt. Or is it? There are times where it hurts to be alone. Where the thought of never receiving the gift of giving life aches my heart. The thought of knowing in my heart I am meant to have a partner in this life, and currently don't can embed fear in even the strongest of people. Who really wants to have to fix everything, maintain everything, care for everything alone? For 33 years I've done it. Never fully alone, but I've done it.
After many attempts at dating over the past however many years of my datable life, I handed whatever was to be over to God. He has always loved me, and in turn this has showed me how to deeply love myself, and how to deeply love others and how to truly let them love me back. Not only that, but through these people that have been placed in my life, I have been shown the meaning of love. I witness their marriages which are an incredible testimony to their love and faithfulness for God. Nobody is perfect, but I now see that it's where you center your love that matters, and everything else is just menial details.
Growing is an amazing thing. I see things daily in myself that when I look back at who I was ten years ago, heck, even 4 years ago, I was certainly not who I am today. Qualities, charectaristics, incedences that I would have picked at, made a big deal of, men I might have chosen and the ones I may have pushed away for one reason or another has all changed. While doing my best to be obedient, to listen, to learn to all that God is teaching me, I have grown. So many things of this world do not matter to me. Yes, I love my shoes, and I love all of my girly things, but you can take that all from me. Without all of that 'stuff' I still have more than I need. I've learned that I need to not supress the caring and loving person that I am. To be caring and loving with my family and friends (and my kiddiess of course) isn't always enough. To be giving and loving and kind, is to be that way with everyone, even with those who may hurt us. Do we really think that Jesus didn't have people who hurt him, yet He still loved them! My right to judge anyone elses imperfections is not my right at all. Who was I to make a list of what my perfect 'love' was to consist of? God already knows him, He has just been simply waiting for me to open my eyes to the things that matter, and close them to all of the things of this life that do not matter. The minute I started listening and obeying is when everything started changing.
Deep, meaningful, love is enough. It is the greatest gift that has been bestowed upon me, and how selfish would I be not to share all that I am and all that I have with someone else? I thank God for every broken road that has led me here.
